Saturday, December 31, 2005

2005: Thanks for all the water.

This is it. This is the big year-end-wrapup. This is where I remind everyone of the year that wasn't and then present a few great look-aheads for the coming months that could be.

Of course, I really don't have anything to say.

So let's stretch that nothingness into some hearty paragraphs of reflection and see what sticks.

2005 has been a year of epic disasters: Katrina, the tsunami (technically a 2004 event, but let's not split hairs), the Pakistan Earthquake, Elizabethtown. Yeah, globally speaking this has been a pretty rotten year, which makes it difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that 2005 was, if not a great year, then a solidly good year-- for me. I guess its the ying and yang thing working its magic-- balancing out the forces of the universe. But let's not dwell on the tragedy of past months. This is a blog. Let's remember some good things. Some BEST things. Some LISTED things. Afterall, without popular culture, isn't life is just a series tasks one does to stay alive? Let us bask, for a moment, in the unimportant, the fleeting, the temporary. (Humor me...)

Best New Television of 2005:
-It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia
Hands down, the best new show of the year. So funny, and yet so unwatched. It's coming back with 13 more eps this year, so don't dilly-dally. Set those DVRs, and enjoy it while it lasts. Afterall, FX is owned by FOX, and we all know what that means.
-The Office [American]
The difference between season 1 and season 2 is night and day, making all new episodes of The Office the best thing on NBC that night. It hasn't reached the genius levels of the British series, and it hasn't reached the comedy levels of Arrested Development, but its climbing-- slowly and steadily. Also, "My Name is Earl" is boring.
-Mad Money
Educational madness! What more could you ask for from CNBC?

Worst: Prison Break.
I'm sorry, but this show sucks. They can stay locked up for all I care.

*****

Best New DVDs of 2005:
-Lost
(Complete 1st Season)
-Home Movies (Complete 3rd Season)
In addition to being the season where the show really came into its own, it also happens to have my favorite episodes (which doesn't hurt). The DVDs boast the obligatory "special features" but 2 of them come close to comedy brilliance: Jon Benjamin's "A Featurette for People who Don't Necessarily Like Home Movies" (complete with making-of), and one of the most sureal radio interviews you'll ever hear.
-Star Wars: Clone Wars (Volumes 1 and 2)
I'm tired of talking Star Wars. Let's just say that these 25 short cartoons put the "new trillogy" to shame. Go figure.

Worst: Tie between any "UNRATED" movie that promises more OUTRAGOUS antics that COULDN'T be shown in theaters AND, any movie that was released in 2005 on DVD, which was greeted by a SUPER-SPECIAL-EDITION-DIRECTORS-CUT two months later (I'm looking in your general direction "Sin City!")

*****

Best technologies of 2005:
(denotes technologies that came into their own this year-- not created this year)
-BitTorrent
People want what people want, and if you can't package it in an efficient mannor we'll find it somewhere else. Television + BitTorrent = The key to media bliss.
-OS X.4 (Tiger)
Is this the OS we've been waiting for? Perhaps. When you combine the built-in search with the rapidly expanding media-center features, you can almost see you future-- beats listening to Tommy and lighting a candle.
-The DVR
Look, I don't have one. I want one. Most people, however, do have one. Those people are happier than me. That's right, I said it. DVRs=Happiness. Now go forth and time-shift.
-Tie: Sony PSP and The Blackberry
Sony's done a lot of ridiculous things (see: "worst"), which is probably why they are no longer high atop their electrical perch, but the PSP is slick. Sure, I'm not gonna spend $50 for a ported game from PS2 or $30 for a movie that can only be watched on the unit, but if you add a decent sized memory stick, you have yourself one bad-ass portable media unit. The screen alone is enough to write home about. Yes, write home. Home to mother...
As for the Blackberry, it has become the new "neck-tie" for professionals. Businesswear now consists of the power-suit, the briefcase, and this ultra-popular personal communication device. Of course, the real irony is that the company is in dire straights, and may not be around much longer.

Worst: Sony's ROOTKIT and all other attempts by giant record companies to copy-protect CDs.

*****

Best Movies of 2005
(was going to go with the TOP 10, but am missing about 6 MUST-SEE titles... so here is a list of this years great movies that I've seen so far (numbered for your convenience)
1) The Three Burials of Melquades Estrata
Tommy Lee Jones was in some movie about cheerleaders last winter. This film would be classified as a "Departure." It's also the best movie of the year.
2) Best of Youth
It's six hours long, and worth every damn minute. Compelling. Italian. Historical. What more could you want?
3) Mysterious Skin
Greg Araki has made some shitty movies. This is not one of them.
4) Brokeback Mountain
5) Batman Begins
Best. Batman. Ever.
6) Broken Flowers
I feel that this is going to be the forgotten gem of 2005. Broken Flowers isn't flashy. Hardly anything happens, really, but the magic is in the silences. And it is these silences that show why the director is such a master of the medium.
7) Grizzly Man
This summer I saw 3 Herzog movies. This one was the best of the three, and one of the best of the year. It has all you could ever want out of a non-fiction film: a crazy character, an equaly crazy director, and bears. BEARS.
8) The Squid and the Whale
Not a flawless picture, but its flaws were admirable. The performances, however, were pitch-perfect. Jeff Daniels is amazing in the role of the asshole father, and the anecdotal approach to storytelling is a personal favorite. It's not Kicking and Screaming, but its close
9) A History of Violence
The last third was so crazy, I'm of the opinion that it actually made the film better. Sure, acts 1 and 2 couldn't have been more different in tone (and action) as the third, but the journey between the two made for great storytelling. Also, best sex scenes of the year.
10) Walace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit
It's a WERE-RABBIT! Clay is the new 2-D.
12) Serenity
13) Me and You and Everyone We Know
Boasts the single greatest scene of the year involving two people walking and discussing how the walk could represent their future relationship. So great.

Worst: Fantastic Four.

*****

Best Records of 2005:
1) "Kicking Television" -- Wilco
2) "EP" -- Fiery Furnaces
3) "Twin Cinema" -- The New Pornographers
4) "Late Registration" -- Kanye West
5) "I'm Wide Awake It's Morning" -- Bright Eyes
6) "Extraordinary Machine" (Jon Brion Version)-- Fiona Apple
7) "You Could Have It So Much Better" -- Franz Ferdinand
8) "Gimme Fiction" -- Spoon
9) "Thunder, Lightening, Strike" -- The Go! Team
10) "Little By Little" -- Harvey Danger
11) "Separation Sunday" -- The Hold Steady

Worst: (Unlike movies, this one is kind of impossible.)

*****

Top Singles of 2005:
-"Feel Good Inc." -- The Gorillaz
-"Hollaback Girl" -- Gwen Stefani
-"Your Little Hoodrat Friend" -- The Hold Steady
-"All These Things That I've Done" -- The Killers
-"Golddigger" -- Kanye West

Worst: "My Humps" -- Black Eyed Peas

*****

And there we have it. Some bests of '05. Tah-Dah! Aren't we all better people now from having read it? (Yes.) Apologies for the delay in posting. I swear next year I'll be more punctual. Also, much of the content for these 'lists' was thought of while sitting at work with nothing to do and so I can only guarentee their accuracy in measuring my taste for a period of no less than 126 hours. So enjoy it while its still fresh.

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Thursday, December 29, 2005

A scenario:

When an individual randomly gets "Party Hard" by Andrew W.K. stuck in his head, does this person:

a) nod head and tap the beat
b) punch himself in the nuts repeatedly until the pain of infertility distracts him from the inner-aural hell
c) party hard
d) other: _______

???

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Listmania: Most Disastrous Band Names

  • I Am the World Trade Center
  • Tsunami Bomb
  • Katrina & the Waves
  • Audioslave

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Saturday, December 24, 2005

So why can't I touch it?

Nothing makes me happier than when someone begins a straight-faced grassroots operation to launch a religion involving pirates and noodles.

I don't know if anything has made more sense to me in my life than this. Please support the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster now and, if moved enough, show your support by printing off posters/flyers or buying a t-shirt-- particularly this one. The World-Herald newsroom staff got a taste of pirate/global warming stats yesterday, and I couldn't tell whether they were relieved or alarmed. My only objection is that I think we need more pirates, but I also think we need more global warming. When snow becomes obsolete, I think I'll be happy.

Without further ado, things I am thankful for this year:
  • a 2% raise at work
  • a cute kitten to look at, compliments of our own Rick
  • turkey at the table, thanks to the rape and death of Indians (sorry, but thanks for being troopers about it!)
  • my new/used orange '04 Mazda 6 with all the frills at an insanely good price
  • the untimely death of my '93 Maxima after I slammed into a median while turning left on Dodge St. late at night after a couple of drinks, thinking there were painted lines for the turn lane, when really there was a raise concrete curb (apologies to the girlfriend for the whiplash and the deployed airbag that sent a blinding gunpowdery substance into the cab of the car)
  • God's wrath
  • this blog that has essentially revitalized the Recoil site, especially with the help of all of you kind blog-posters
  • my asinine case of writer's block, rendering me unfunny (maybe it's always been that way?)
  • Jen's valid grievance of Sudafed's fall from power attributed to the excessive amount of meth addicts (how can a medication called Sudafed lose the ingredient upon which the medication's name is based? Jesus fucking jawas! I have my benign purposes of curing the pains/voices in my head!!!)
  • my overuse of parantheses (sometimes my statement alone needs further explanation or a witty aside to compliment it)
  • online shopping, which, if it wasn't for the delay of shipping, would be the absolute only way I would shop
  • global warming (YES! I said GLOBAL WARMING!!!)
  • my new Norelco cordless shaver-- the other was ruined when the apartment above me flooded and spewed moldy water through the vent above my bathroom sink onto my toothbrush and older "cordful" shaver
  • an addition to above: the glass dome on the light fixture in my hallway discretely filling with brown water to the rim with me not noticing until I began to wonder why the glass wasn't clear anymore
  • the academy
  • gay naked cowboys eating pudding out on the ranch
  • a big "no thanks" to the studios for not releasing seasons of Mr. Belvedere on DVD
  • newsroom-wide e-mails at work from reporters asking how to make popcorn balls, wondering why the popcorn won't stick together ("Does the syrup need to be hotter or does the popcorn need to be hotter?")
  • Rick's indifference toward his confrontation with a burglar that made for a great read ("I don't know... did we have a moment?")
  • Geri, for "keeping it real" on this blog
  • Paul, for his lack of posts but his ability to deliver gut laugh-inducing deadpan responses to others' posts in the Comments section
  • everyone else who has contributed stories/rants/musings/anecdotes
  • bullet points

Merry Happy Noodley Holidays everyone!

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Friday, December 23, 2005

Happy Festivus

Alright, it's that time of year again. As you know the first part of the celebration is the Airing of Grievances. After we are done with that we shall move on to the Feats of Strength, in which one of us is going to have to wrestle Rick to the ground.

A Festivus for the rest of us!

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Tuesday, December 20, 2005

STRIKE 1.


Well, it happened. Luckily, as I type this post, I've managed to get a car service to take me home from a very hectic day at work, and have arranged another to pick me up and take me to the airport. Really, I will have made it out of the cursed burg almost completely unscathed. The same can not be said of others. What I'm especially curious about is how many people (at 4:43am) even know that this is happening. The announcement wasn't made until 3am, and by then it was starting to look like things had gone so far outside of the midnight deadline that maybe the TWU was starting to turn. They did not, though apparently, it was close.

In any case, in 12 hours I'll be in Omaha, but many of you won't. You'll be stuck-- walking across the bridge cursing the stubborness of two entities who knew for 3 years that this deadline was approaching and who did nothing about it. Part of me is sad that I'm going to miss it, but that part of me is idiotic. Midwest, here I come.

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Monday, December 19, 2005

Here's looking at you.

So this afternoon I paid a visit to my favorite financial institution (the one that holds my money) to take part in a seemingly daily ritual-- the withdrawl of depleting funds. I put in my card, enter my pin, press a couple buttons and wait for the familiar form-feed sounds of expelling money. During this time I usually take a quick peak at myself in the two-way mirror that hides the inevitable security camera above the terminal. So I did, but was greeted not with a mirror and instead with a large lens staring me down like a Cy Young pitcher to an anxious base-runner. The mirror in front of the camera was missing. This is unsettling, even when you know that there's normally a camera there anyway. You just don't want to see it. We, as a populace, have become very accepting of being watched [insert link here to article about our creepy, paranoid, president], we just don't want to know about it. I mean, who wants a camera pointed at your mug while you pocket a stack of Jacksons (that's right bitches, a STACK).

Moral of the story, be sure you combed your hair before getting your money, because they'll be watching you.

IN OTHER NEWS: the TWU postponed their strike until tonight at midnight. I have to be at the airport by 9:00am. Developing...

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Thursday, December 15, 2005

Posting for Postsake.

I'm one hour and forty-five minutes from ending my 14-day working spree. Of course, it has to end in dramatic fashion as I complete the PUNISHING 4am-noon shift in Master Control (translation: Of course, it has to end in dramatic fashion as I complete the semi-annoying-because it's so damn early shift sitting in front of a monitor watching the same 8 stories about the potential transit strike for 8 hours).

I know what your asking yourself? Is it possible for someone to wear giant "clown shoes" as their normal foot atire? The answer is of course, YES, but only if that person is, in fact, a clown. Another popular question: Damn, Rick, how are you going to be treating yourself with that seemingly endless 36 hours off from work? Obviously I'll be spending my time sleeping, enjoying some current cinema, and doing the same thing I do everytime I'm off work: putting on a mask and camping out on the roof clutching a pillow-sack full of batteries.

What else can I type in the remaining 7 minutes of my break? I don't know.

Let me think. In the meantime, enjoy this great article on SLATE about "My Humps" (the worst/best/worst song of the year).

Post 'em if you got 'em.

UPDATE AT 12:06PM EST: I'm done with work. Getting ready to go see "The Three Burrials...". And "Arrested Development" might not be dead just yet. Also, the TWU has yet to sign a contract. The whimsy from this event has now officially diappeared.

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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Just Call Me Erin Brockovich

Have you ever been so mad/annoyed/ticked/peeved at a retailer that you wished awful things on them? Are you one to hold a retail grudge? I am. And that's why, in the spirit of the holidays, I decided to do something about it.

Sparing you the boring details, I'll just post the e-mail I fired off to Amazon.com yesterday morning after one such incident...
Date: Tue Dec 13 17:03:18 UTC 2005
Subject; HMD Feedback to Amazon.com
To: int-hmd-phones__ertyui@amazon.com
From: lmcusumano@hotmail.com
12/13/05 09:03:18

COMMENTS: I am very unhappy with my Amazon.com order. I ordered a Christmas gift on December 7, thinking that I could get it by the time I left to go home on December 18. When I went to check my order on December 13, it looked like it wasn't going to arrive until at least December 19 - almost two weeks after I ordered it! When I tried to change the shipping process to get the gift sooner, it became more expensive and would've taken LONGER to arrive. I called customer service, and while they were helpful, they couldn't do anything to change the shipping. I went online again and tried to cancel my order because I had found the SAME thing for LESS at Barnes and Noble -- AND I would get it in time -- but the website told me I now couldn't cancel my order because it was about to be processed today. Now, I have to buy the order twice, once at your competition's store and once with you. But I'm sure I don't have to tell you which one I will be returning as soon as I get it LATE for Christmas. Thanks for disappointing a first and last-time customer.

Now, stay with me here. Below is the e-mail Amazon's customer service drones wrote back to me, LESS THAN 24 HOURS LATER. I'd say that's R-E-D-E-M-P-T-I-O-N. Talk about bringing a corporate giant to its knees. I'm like a regular Erin Brockovich.

Does this mean I have to return my purchase at Barnes and Noble?
Thank you for writing to us at Amazon.com. First, let me tell you how sorry I am this apparent misunderstanding. Unfortunately, as you know, we can't cancel your order for "The Works : Anatomy of a City" because it's already in the shipping process. I've listed some options for returning or refusing the shipment below. I hope that one of these options will work for you. For this order, I see that the shipping method selected is our free Super Saver Shipping option. This option is for customers who are willing to wait a little longer to receive their items in exchange for free shipping. I apologize if this was misunderstood. As stated on our web site, when you choose Super Saver Shipping, you can expect your order to take a few days longer to leave our fulfillment center than if you had selected our standard shipping option. This extra time is reflected in your estimated shipment date and allows us to ship your order in the most cost-efficient way possible, and enables us to pass the savings, in the form of free shipping, on to you. I apologize if this time frame was not clear at the time you placed your order. The full details of the Super Saver Shipping option are listed here:
http://www.amazon.com/supersavershipping

We also recognize that you have a choice of retailers and are pleased that you first ordered from us. Unfortunately, we do not have a price-matching policy at this time; 34% is all we can currently take off of the list price of "The Works : Anatomy of a City." We realize that from time to time, our customers will be able to purchase a single item from another store at a lower price than ours. While we don't always beat the best available price on every product, we do offer deep discounts on many thousands of items. Also, note that in some cases our web site offers lower prices via the used and new offerings available from Amazon Marketplace sellers. For more information, please read our Marketplace help section:
http://www.amazon.com/o/tg/browse/-/537796/

We'll send you an e-mail to let you know when the order has shipped. I hope this information helps clear up any misunderstanding. Again, I'm sorry that I was not able to cancel your order. Thanks for your understanding.

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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Maxx!

I had the great pleasure of watching the MTV series "The Maxx" this afternoon in its entirety. For those of you who were not alive in the spring of 1995, or were doing homework or something generally productive instead of watching hours upon hours of MTV, "The Maxx" was a series of 13 15-minute cartoons featured in the "MTV Oddities" block of programming. It was about a giant purple monster/man/super-hero and his friend the "alterna-hot" Julie. While watching the show this morning several things came to mind.

"The Maxx" is heavy. The show is based almost panel for panel on the comic-book series of same name. I've read a bit of the comic and found it quite good, but the tv show was able to find that unique balance between a static, layered, narrative found on the page and the non-stop fluidity of the screen. Regardless, "The Maxx" is some of the most interesting animation you will see anywhere. Its interesting for the same reason really good anime is interesting, and that being the creators had to create movement and action without spending money (i.e. without actually moving a lot of the images). The drawings are as complex as the plot, which, is shockingly dense for a show that aired on MTV in primetime. And really, that's where a lot of the magic from watching "The Maxx" today comes from. The series is pre-9/11-post-feminist-90s existentialism (yeah, that's what I said). It calls back to a particular time in American history where talking about why we're generally unhappy was a national pastime. In '95 there was hardly anything revolutionary about this subject matter, but looking back it seems moderately profound, despite its obvious pretentions. It also brings to mind a type of consciousness that has become a thing of the past. In the current climate, and really, for the foreseeable future, our media has lost a lot of its introspection. And rightly so, I suppose. Its hard to discuss traumatic childhoods with a straight face while people are being blown up all over the globe, but in a pre-Clinton-blow-job society that was JUST on the brink of economic recovery such public insights were a dime a dozen.

I think what's tragic about all of this is how my generation more or less destroyed (for better or worse) pretentious-coffee-house-art. "The Maxx" aired in 1995. Around this time on MTV they were also airing other crazy and noble cartoons: Aeon Flux, Beavis and Butthead, The Head. And let us not forget that the first three seasons of "The Real World" were as much about race, abortion, AIDS and politics as they were about sex, hot people, and whether or not David should have been kicked out of the house for pulling the blanket off Tammi ("It wasn't, NOT, funny!"). But then we had to go and screw it all up by falling in love with TRL and boy bands and general excess. As the dollar signs slowly crushed grunge culture, MTV shifted quite drastically from a network where the programming suits would throw stuff against it and see what sticks to the hyper-slick, reality-crossover-talking-heads-on-fire monolith that it currently is. And maybe I'm being melodramatic, but a lot of good art was destroyed in the process. Of course we'd never know. Maybe the minds behind all of these radical comics and television shows would have dried up as soon as they signed the big contract, but maybe not.

Either way, "The Maxx" is worth taking a look at.

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CAN stop a train

I don't know if this news carries much further than the 5 boroughs, but its been claiming much of the news real estate at work: unless a deal is OKed by this Thursday at midnight, New York City will be in the midst of its first TRANSIT STRIKE since 1980. The thing is, a strike is incredibly unlikely. That being said, part of me wants to see it happen. Maybe its easy for me to say this as I'm flying back to Omaha on the 20th and will only have to deal with no public transportation for 4 days and it'll be a cool story to tell. However, the closer we get to the deadline, the more and more I think to myself, "Rick, do you REALLY want to have to walk to work? You do realize that cold weather and an especially large bridge are involved, right?"

Can you imagine? No trains. No busses. Sounds like the logline for a Roland Emmerich movie.

Developing...

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Sunday, December 11, 2005

because comments are hard

Rick and Paul, check the renters insurance comment I posted.

Also, today my mom sent me an email warning me of the dangers of Toxic Shock Syndrome, and how I shouldn't wear tampons "continually". Thanks mom!

Also, Rick, your tim mcmahon link/address didn't work, but i want to read it. FIX IT.

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It's Indie Rock 'N' Roll For Me

So maybe it's just me, but I went to a recent indie-rock show at Oleaver's, and the longer I stayed there, the more and more ridiculous it got. But I'll let you decide.

The first band consisted of two members of Tilly and the Wall playing a three song acoustic/keys set, with numerous parties sitting cross-legged on the floor, watching the music unfold. The people sitting on the floor I brushed off as a normal indie-rock thing to do in a crowded, bar environment.

Then, the next "band" took the floor. I use the term band loosely because it consisted of a girl singing and playing keys, a guy playing with one hand on the high end of the keys, another guy sitting cross-legged on the floor playing a nylon string guitar that no one could hear, and a girl sitting next to the keyboard waving a large sheet of white paper up and down. They played but one song, but this definitely isn't the last you'll hear from them.

After they were done, the one and only Nik Fackler took the floor for what he claimed was his first performance infront of people. I wanted to not like it (because of his whole beating us in the two-day extreme film festival last year with an awesome short that, turns out, only loosely fit the action genre he had drawn, but since he's a professional in an amateur competition, he of course got first place), but, as fate would have it, it wasn't half bad. However, his "unplanned encore" consisted of a cover of a Japanese song that I could have done without.

Not weird enough yet? Well then lets dive right in. Up next were two guys who took 35 minutes to setup...to play two songs. Not only that, but they were dressed in Zorro-esque outfits...complete with hats. Oh, did I mention they were blindfolded? They were blindfolded.

Then, the headliner, David Dondero, took the stage with just a drummer, and about two songs in, the girl singer from the previous "band" and her friend, the paper waver, were dancing wildly around Dondero and his drummer for the course of an entire song. The drummer was not amused when they set up camp right behind him for the last two verses of said song. It was also during this song that two random dudes got up and started dancing wildly in place...together. But the weirdness didn't stop there...far from it. The crazy girls both went outside together, then came back inside. Seemingly not that weird, but upon further review one would notice that the singer girl was now wearing a black tanktop and red tights, instead of the skirt she had previously been wearing. That skirt was no being used to what can only be described as "fanning the stage."

The end? Not quite.

When Dondero's drummer took a break later in the set, one of the crazy guys that was previously dancing, gets up and goes, "I got this." He then proceeded to grab the drum brushes and start playing with Dondero on his next song. Only problem was that he couldn't drum. He was barely keeping beat, and when he started to "feel the music," he just freaked out and started hitting all of the drums at an extremely fast pace with no rhythm whatsoever. It almost looked like he was dancing again. Not long after this, this same guy who was just drumming stood up right infront of Dondero, while he was still playing mind you, and started pouring a pitcher of beer into a 16 oz. can of Old style, which is not physically possible, just so you know.

Finally, when things can't get much more ridiculous, they do. Dondero was playing his last song and halfway through, the mic just stopped working. So he tilted the mic straight up and started tapping on it to see if it would work. It didn't, so he just decided to finish the remaining three minutes of the song, singing with no microphone.

Now that's indie-rock. Needless to say, I didn't really fit in wearing my grey hooded sweatshirt.

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Obsessive-Compulsive Media-Freak: me.

Like any all-American media junkie, I love DVDs. Especially TV on DVD. BUT ESPECIALLY, I like how TV DVDs look when they're placed next to each other on a shelf. I like how each season of a show typically has a similar package design but maybe with different colors. When distributors change the package design I find it mildly irritating because my shelf no longer feels whole. Example: Strangers With Candy seasons 1 and 2 both had near identical packages: fold out cases inside a cardboard sleeve. Well when season 3 was finally released they switched to DVD slim-cases inside a cardboard sleeve, making the case about an eighth of an inch bigger than its predecessors. This really pissed me off, and if I hadn't been such a huge fan of the show it may (MAY) have kept me from buying it.

Last August, Fox released The Simpsons season 6. I had purchased seasons 3, 4 and 5 and LOVED the way they looked on my shelf (as for the actual DVDs, well the replay value is a bit diminished when the show is on television 4 times a day). But when season 6 came out, they abandoned the thick, colorful, fold-out cases and went with these ugly, three-dimensional "Simpson heads." Wha-what?! I can't stack that in a row! Those demand to be displayed individually, but then what about the previous seasons? Where's the continuity?

So I sold seasons 3, 4, and 5 and gave up the collection. Like I mentioned, I wasn't going to watch these that often anyway. But damn they looked good.

Today I get the Sunday paper and flip through the Best Buy Ad and what do they advertise? TWO versions of Simpsons 7: One with a crazy 3-D Marge-Head, and one with a classy fold-out purple box. DAMN, that sucks.

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Friday, December 09, 2005

Renter's Insurance.

My roommate suggested that we get it. Really, sounds like a pretty good idea. The catch is that neither of us really know how one get's said insurance. So my question is this: do you have renter's insurance? If so, what is a reasonable price? What does it cover? And most importantly, who do you go through?

In a related note, I'm thinking of getting boater's insurance. Query: does one need to have an actual boat for boater's insurance? I just feel that I'd rather be safe than sorry.

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Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Can't Stop a Train...*

Today, I missed no fewer than 4 subways by a matter of seconds. This sucks. It doesn't suck in the global sense becaue there's always another train 3-8 minutes away. But it seems to have a metaphorical effect on me, and I would guess, many people. It should be noted, however, that this isn't a New York City-specific phenomenon. This happens to everyone in some form or another. You know your own "missed subway." But, for people in New York there just happens to be a lot of trains around, so we'll go with that. Let me explain:

Every day I that I have to go to work, I have to take a train to get there. When I reach the platform, on a normal day I'll look down the track and see a train not too far away. On a fantastic day (yesterday) I reach the platform and a train is just coming to a stop. On a depressing day, as you might have guessed, the trains doors close just as you reach the top (or bottom) of the steps. At this point in time all you can do is stare at the soon-empty train platform and think, "What could I have done in my life to have caught this train?" And the answer is usually plain as day. You could have listened to one fewer song before heading out the door. You could have opted to check your email at work and not at home. You stood motionless for too long in the shower. There are myriad things that could have been done that would have made you arrive at the train platform seconds earlier, and thus caught the train.
But these are fleeting thoughts. The real issues you start to deal with come moments later when you get over the fact that you aren't sitting on a heated subway seat but instead freezing your ass off in the wind. These issues come about when you're left with nothing but your devices, waiting for another train to come and realizing that maybe it wasn't just the subway you had missed. You start going back through your life. Why am I standing here in the cold? What went wrong? Is this the line of work I really thought I'd be doing? What happened to those big ideas I had when I was a teenager. I thought I was going to go out there, in life, and fucking conquer something. Now, I'm standing in the bitter cold, with wet hair, waiting for life to pick me back up.
It's depressing.
Luckily, another train will come along. You get in and since you had the time, you were able to walk to the part of the platform where you know you'll be able to get a seat. It's cold, but its sunny outside, and as you ride over the bridge you treat yourself to an article in GQ about a celebrity or some such nonsense while enjoying the heat coming from right below the bench you're sitting on. Life isn't that torturous and the decisions you made in the past aren't as permanent as they may seem. There's still a future. There always is.
And you pull into the station to make your transfer feeling damn good.
But then you walk down the stairs only to be greeted by the F train pulling out of the station.
Motherfuckers!

Anyway, that was my day in a nutshell. Was it yours?

Now, enjoy this quite humorous essay by Chuck Klosterman on why he enjoys wathing the LA Lakers.

*Coulter sorry for stealing your title technique.

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Tuesday's Office

Anyone watch this past Office episode? With the yankee santa? Well my job is doing a yankee santa, only we call it cut-throat santa. What do I buy? I'm afraid.

For those of you who don't watch, cut-throat santa is where you all throw the gifts in a pile. the first person chooses a gift. The second person chooses a gift, and if s/he doesn't like it, they can take the first persons gift. The third person then has a choice between all the opened gifts and the one they pick out of the pile, and so on.

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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

"Check out banner, Michael!"

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No Shave November: first wave.

Here are the highlights of the first annual No Shave November: New York 1 chapter. You'll notice how different people interpreted the rules in different ways, and how nature interpreted the individual. Also, if you want to get your pictures in, don't forget to mail them to me and I'll post'em ASAP. (Also, pictures of hilarious post-shave facial patterns are greatly appreciated)

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Time to join the 21st century...

Ok, so since the World's Only Floor Manager is off gallavanting around the country while the rest of us do some work, I'm going to venture into the online world of "blogging" in an effort to keep this group together.

Here goes.

(Insert snarky comment from Rick here, laughing from Matt next, and then a weird Brooklyn comment from G).

Yesterday, the Time Warner guy was coming to fix my wireless because clearly I NEEDED that to work. I have a hard life. He came, he fixed, and as he was wenting....I said "Hey, can you fix my HBO on demand too?" See? I really do have a hard life.

He said "Sure, and I'll even give you a new DVR box. You'll like it. It's new, smaller, and silver." Oooh! I like shiny things!

So, he installed it. And left. I turned on the TV, checked my DVRd (can't we just say TiVO?) episodes of "Lost" to find that *gasp!* ALL of them were gone. Everything. No rewinding to see that 13-year-old kid hanging outside the window (think "Three Men and a Baby"). No checking to find out if anyone created dirty animations in the background. (think anyone Disney movie in the 1990's).

*Sigh* My life is hard.

PS- You can now applause me for joining the 21st century, posting my first blog, and after a few talks with my therapist, successfully moving beyond the loss of my DVR.

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Monday, December 05, 2005

New Nellie

Treat yourself. I have.

TheBigOne.mp3 [5.7mb]

In other, non-pirated news, Slate ran a great "revisionist" story on the most significant piece of comic-art maybe ever, but definitely of the past 20 years.

Syriana
The NY1 movie-club decided to check out the HOT NEW political thriller "Syriana" this past Thursday. The film, in a word, is almost helplessly confusing. Remember Traffic? Remember how kick ass it was? Remember how there were these three storylines and each had its own visual style and then they would overlap and such. Well, Syriana is just like that only less-so and more-so. It isn't as visually fascinating, but the storylines are there in spades. Just good luck trying to figure out what the hell Jeffrey Wright is suppose to be doing. That being said, when the film comes to a close you'll be pretty confident that something shady was going on, even if you can't pinpoint what it is.
The performances are top-notch, and the maze of a script... well, WOW.

What is Recoil rating? THREE AND 1/2 STARS! (bitch.)

And finally, I'm collecting your pics from NO SHAVE NOVEMBER. Send them to stuffboy@mac.com and I'll repost them on this blog in a convenient collage.

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Saturday, December 03, 2005

Friday, December 02, 2005

Mystery Solved

Remember a few weeks back when I was trying to figure out what song was playing in The Matador trailer? Well, the mystery is solved, and it was WAYYYY too obvious. The track came on while I was at the bar last night, causing me to run to the jukebox to find out what it was, only to have it answered for me the second the lyrics kicked in.

Behold:

PsychoKiller.mp3 [5.0mb]

C'mon Nelly should have had that one...

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Missed Connections

My bedroom. 11am, on December 1st.

Me: Skinny, balding, white male. I was wearing a yellow and blue pair of plaid boxers and a bedspread. I also had sleep in my eyes.

You: Large, black man (think, perhaps, a slightly smaller Ving Rhames), standing in my doorway saying I had "Left the door open," before you turned and left.

I don't know... did we have a moment?


A funny story:
I'm laying in bed this morning. It's around 11am. I hear a knock at the door. This is not an unfamiliar sound in our apartment building as we frequently get visits by monthly exterminators or repairmen or supers inquiring about something unimportant. And while, yes, my roommates ceiling is leaking and very well could be expecting someone to repair it, I was tired and goddamn if I was going to get out of bed only to send someone away. The knocking wasn't just my door. It was all 4 doors on our floor (note: each apartment has 2 entries).

The knocking eventually stopping and I attempted to drift back to sleep. This didn't last long as I soon heard a crunching sound. Hmm. Perhaps work was being done in the hallway and the knocking was to just let us know. Flash forward about 3 minutes. My bedroom door open up. A man stands there. I look at him and him at me. He says, "Someone left your door open." "Okay," I said. At this point I still didn't think anything in particular was wrong. Clearly this guy, who wouldn't have been out of place fixing a sink, thought no one was home, came in to do some work, (maybe Paul, out of character, forgot to lock up) and was startled to find me. I got up out of bed. Put some pants on and walked across the apartment to the other entryway. To say that I was mildly shocked to see that the entire door jamb had been ripped from the wall and that the door was open despite the dead-bolt, would probably be right on the money.

Here is where I begin to makes a series of 3 crucial (though not entirely unnecessary mistakes): 1) I look to see if anything is missing. No. Even items such as digital cameras, sitting out in plain sight and right by the door, were still in place. Awesome. Then I called Paul. I mean, he does live her too, right? We had a quick convo where little info was exchanged as, obviously, neither of us really had any. It was suggested I call the cops. So I then, 3) went downstairs to talk to the landlord who wasn't around, but whose wife/girlfriend/live-in female WAS home and who mentioned that someone had knocked on her door and said that his partner was upstairs and he was waiting for him. Apparently, she didn't find this as the flag that others might have felt it was. No worries.

So then I call the cops. They show up moments later and ask why the hell I didn't call immediately after this happened. I have no answer.

My adventure with the police
Since it's rare for someone to actually get a good look at the person who is about to burgle them, I was asked again and again to describe the suspect. I think I did a good job. He was firmly in my mind-- but the catch was that I was thinking of a body type. Things such as specific facial features were a mystery to me as I didn't have my glasses on when I first saw him (I didn't remember this until many hours into the day). That being said I was fairly sure if I saw this person I could ID him. What one finds, after making this statement, is that most humans look exactly alike. Well, not exactly alike, but we're constantly told when we're younger that we are all individual snowflakes and that we're all unique. This is a lie. There's basically about 100 different people on the planet and the rest of us are just a mish-mash of them.

First I sat in the back of a squad can and was driven around the neighborhood asked to see if anyone was recognizable. If you ever want to feel like you're wielding WAY more power than any person should rightfully have: do this. I saw people whose body type was close, but there was no way in hell I was going to say, "Yeah, that's the guy." What if I was wrong? Does that make me a racist? Kinda, right?

Then I went back to the apartment and got into another car, this one unmarked. We drove around some more. I restated the events and the description. We eventually ended up at the 83rd precinct, where I then sat in a small room staring at a screen of 6 random (though filtered) images of people who had been arrested in the area. There was also a "NEXT" button which I could press to look at 6 more photos. I was told to press this button until I found a match, but like I had metioned earlier, I only knew his face shape-- eyes, nose, mouth, things that set people apart was missing for me. Nevertheless I pressed the button. Again. And again. Shortly, the officers that had brought me there left to respond to another call and I was more or less alone, at the police station, and too far away from home to walk. I kept pressing the button. The computer was old, as expected. It took a moment or two for the photos to load after pressing "NEXT." After pressing the button 100 times my mind was fried. Every photo looked exactly alike. No one came and got me. How long was I suppose to press this button? I felt like Desmond. About 2 hours and 276 clicks later I finally broke down and said I couldn't look at another picture. There was no way I was going to spot this guy. I viewed close to 2000 photos of 25-45 year old, black, stocky men. If you want to feel bad about your place in the world, this is how you do it.

Eventually I went home where I found the only good news of this event: a repair guy was there to fix the door and install metal brackets over the jamb that should keep someone from prying open the door. We'll see.

But seriously, how lucky can a guy be? Our apartment was broken into while I was still there. Nothing was taken, and no one got hurt. Frankly, if that's how it has to go down, he might as well come twice a month.

In a related story: here is an article about an artists co-op across the street. What the article really told me, however, was that I live in a horrible neighborhood. It's funny because this has been the only place I've lived since coming back to New York in January of 2004 and it's never been any worse than a simple annoyance (dirty, mildly irritating building management, shoddy wiring), but to most people-- people who are from New York, who have been around, I live in hell. Don't get me wrong, this isn't like the Baltimore neighborhoods you see on "The Wire." This is a working community. But to many, it is also exceptionally dangerous. I guess I'm just now seeing this.

It's probably time to upgrade.

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Thursday, December 01, 2005

The Artform That Is The Setlist

Those of you that I know that frequent this blog are, no doubt, actively involved in the consumption of music. And, because of two concerts I recently attended (one local act and one national act) and the fact that I'm in a band that has a big show tomorrow, I come to you, the great bloggers of What Is Recoil?, with a question. How would you compose a setlist?

It's harder than you might think. As a band, you must consider the following: Are you out for yourselves? Or are you trying to please the people that paid to come see you play? Do you "give the kids what they want" early? Or do you make them wait? How much do you rock out vs. play the slower (possibly more "musically in depth") songs? When should you throw in a slow song and when should you not? Do you close with your hit, or play that next to last and close with a new song to integrate it into your catalog? And what about covers? Should you play one popular cover song, one lesser known cover song, or are cover songs selling out?

Honestly, probably way to much thought goes into composing a setlist, and a band should probably just play whatever songs they feel are their best and strongest. Having said that, here is how I would compose a setlist if I didn't have the rest of the band to worry about.

1) Start off with an up-tempo, poppy song that is considered strong by the band
2) Continue the up-tempo vibe with about 2 or 3 songs
3) Throw in a well-known cover song, so that the average music listener, who is not familiar with your music, might say, "Hey, I like this song. Maybe these guys are cool. I'll give them a chance."
4) Hit 'um with a slower song, that has its moments of rocking out...maybe a catchy, poppy chorus
5) Go back to rocking with for a few songs...possibly throw in a lesser known cover so you're in with the "cool kids" who know music or a new song
6) Insert the final slower songs that you plan on playing here
7) Go with a faster paced song with the intent on bringing the vibe back up (possibly insert a new song here)
8) Finish with "the Hit," an upbeat song that the kids know and can sing along to, or that has a flurry or music and fun at the end

Your thoughts?

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Welcome to "What Is Recoil?." If you would like to post something on this blog, but don't have a WIR-Blogger login, then send me an e-mail, and I'll make it happen. SHAZAM!
-Rick
(co-creator)

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