So why can't I touch it?

posted by Anonymous : 11:38 AM

Nothing makes me happier than when someone begins a straight-faced grassroots operation to launch a religion involving pirates and noodles.

I don't know if anything has made more sense to me in my life than this. Please support the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster now and, if moved enough, show your support by printing off posters/flyers or buying a t-shirt-- particularly this one. The World-Herald newsroom staff got a taste of pirate/global warming stats yesterday, and I couldn't tell whether they were relieved or alarmed. My only objection is that I think we need more pirates, but I also think we need more global warming. When snow becomes obsolete, I think I'll be happy.

Without further ado, things I am thankful for this year:

• a 2% raise at work
• a cute kitten to look at, compliments of our own Rick
• turkey at the table, thanks to the rape and death of Indians (sorry, but thanks for being troopers about it!)
• my new/used orange '04 Mazda 6 with all the frills at an insanely good price
• the untimely death of my '93 Maxima after I slammed into a median while turning left on Dodge St. late at night after a couple of drinks, thinking there were painted lines for the turn lane, when really there was a raise concrete curb (apologies to the girlfriend for the whiplash and the deployed airbag that sent a blinding gunpowdery substance into the cab of the car)
• God's wrath
• this blog that has essentially revitalized the Recoil site, especially with the help of all of you kind blog-posters
• my asinine case of writer's block, rendering me unfunny (maybe it's always been that way?)
• Jen's valid grievance of Sudafed's fall from power attributed to the excessive amount of meth addicts (how can a medication called Sudafed lose the ingredient upon which the medication's name is based? Jesus fucking jawas! I have my benign purposes of curing the pains/voices in my head!!!)
• my overuse of parantheses (sometimes my statement alone needs further explanation or a witty aside to compliment it)
• online shopping, which, if it wasn't for the delay of shipping, would be the absolute only way I would shop
• global warming (YES! I said GLOBAL WARMING!!!)
• my new Norelco cordless shaver-- the other was ruined when the apartment above me flooded and spewed moldy water through the vent above my bathroom sink onto my toothbrush and older "cordful" shaver
• an addition to above: the glass dome on the light fixture in my hallway discretely filling with brown water to the rim with me not noticing until I began to wonder why the glass wasn't clear anymore
• the academy
• gay naked cowboys eating pudding out on the ranch
• a big "no thanks" to the studios for not releasing seasons of Mr. Belvedere on DVD
• newsroom-wide e-mails at work from reporters asking how to make popcorn balls, wondering why the popcorn won't stick together ("Does the syrup need to be hotter or does the popcorn need to be hotter?")
• Rick's indifference toward his confrontation with a burglar that made for a great read ("I don't know... did we have a moment?")
• Geri, for "keeping it real" on this blog
• Paul, for his lack of posts but his ability to deliver gut laugh-inducing deadpan responses to others' posts in the Comments section
• everyone else who has contributed stories/rants/musings/anecdotes
• bullet points

Merry Happy Noodley Holidays everyone!

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