Open letter to Snapple:

posted by Anonymous : 3:11 AM

!!!

I am the Ted Nugent of Snapple Peach Iced Tea.

The above image represents only a small portion of the amount of this brown elixir that I have passed through my system. I only began collecting boxes because I became too lazy to keep breaking them down or walking them out to the dumpster. This was about 7 or 8 months ago. I am sickened to think that these were once full of 168 bottles. Now they only exist to represent the absurdity of my addiction.

I must admit that perhaps 6 or 7 bottles were given to friends out of charity when they needed a cool medicinal beverage to ease their souls. But believe me when I tell you that these have always been very special circumstances when my heart reached out enough to depart with a beloved bottle of paradise's nectar.

But alas, a crisis has arisen. For it is at this very moment that my own heart seeks out this very treasured substance. The sounds of a storm are riding the night's wind, thick with rumbles and a looming threat of a break in the dark peace that had settled in the sunset's wake. It is symbolic of the brewing dread that is draining my body's strength and robbing my mind of creativity.

It is my thirst for MORE.

Please oh please, Ms. Snapple Lady, when will I get my own machine???

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