posted by RICK : 5:47 PM
I asked this question to one Prof. Janice Portmeir, a linguistics expert out of Telluride, Colorado. She claims that
Recoil and its Latin root "Recolus" deal with the ancient practice of human sacrifice. "I've studied many a word," she says, "but few are as interesting as
Recoil. Really, discovering its true meaning has become my life's work-- sadly it has kept me from enjoying the fruits of some of my closest relationships, some even with other people.
I follow Prof. Portmeir into her office. It's a humble study with a roll-top desk, touch-lamp, and king-sized bed covered in satin sheets. "The sheets are satin!" she says. I say I know. She asks how can I tell without laying on them, and I respond that there are few things in this life I know a lot about, but thread-count happens to be one of them. Yes, thread-count, AND the collected works of --
She disrobes and jumps on the bed. Nervous, I begin playing with one of those paper weights that house thousands of metal pins-- the type you can press your face against and a pointilized, metal, reproduction will appear on the other side. She sat up, naked as pre-sauced pasta, grabbed the weight from my hands, and pressed it firmly against her right breast. Most uncomfortable.
I turned toward a stack of books on a shelf. On top sat
He's Just Not That Into You by comedian-turned-author Greg Behrendt. The retail sticker indicated that it was a best-seller. "Now then, about this Recoil business," I say, never making direct eye contact and trying to right this sinking ship.
"Stop with the games," she says. "Take me."
"Take you where?" I was playing the fool. I knew full well where should would like to "be taken."
"You're right," she says. "This a love we shan't speak its name. Damn, but I just spoke it!"
"Look," I'm trying to reason with her, "it's probably high time I left you alone to your study. The true definition of Recoil awaits, no?
I head toward the door. She leaps from the bed, "WAIT!" I turn around, expecting to meet the business end of an ice-pick... or edible body paint. It was a weird vibe, I couldn't really gauge it.
"Why don't you take this with you." She hands me a tri-fold pamphlet:
Recoil and You: Where like minds come to die. I took it from her hands, thanked her and high tailed it out of there. Was I closer to discovering "What is Recoil?" Not really. But I did learn a few things about life. Unfortunately, those things were weathered, old, and in need of some solid aerobic activity.